Cruel Angel's Thesis
by EvaBlue1
Summary: This is set when Shinji first arrives at NERV as a pilot... my version of what REALLY should have happend in Shinseki Evangelion ^_~


Author: EvaBlue

Author: EvaBlue

Story Type: Neon Genesis Evangelion

Editor: dragons*shadow

Angels Cruel Thesis: Case of Shinji Ikari

As Shinji Ikari lay in his bed, thoughts swirled through his mind. 

'Everything is happening way to fast!' Shinji thought. 'First, I meet this strange lady named Misato Katsuragi, then I come to live with her!' 

Shinji just lay in bed, thinking about his father and the others he had met. 

'Father…How could you do that to me?' Shinji pressed the button on his tape player, and switched to the next song. 'Fly Me to the Moon' sometimes helped Shinji relax. 

'Ritsuko Akagi…She must be a genius…to have created that…' As Shinji was thinking, Misato stepped into his darkened room. 

"Shinji…I didn't tell you this, but you did a great thing today. I-I'm proud of you." And with that, Misato closed the door and walked away.

'Proud of me? Someone is actually _proud_ of, ME?' A smile formed on Shinji's confused face. 'Proud of me…No one, has ever, been, proud of me.' Shinji felt happier than ever, but soon, that happiness left, leaving Shinji to feel sad and confused again. 

'Evangelion Unit 01…' Shinji thought. He brought up his hand and ran his fingers through his brown hair. 

'Evangelion Unit 01…the last hope for humanity.' Once again, a smile formed on his face. 

'And I'm the pilot! I can get respect because I am the pilot of Evangelion Unit 01! People can be proud of me!' Shinji removed his earphones and sat up. 

"Proud of me…respect for me…" Shinji whispered. He looked around. "My home, I'm finally home!" He said quietly. Shinji fell back on his pillow and looked at his ceiling. A thought crossed his mind. 'H-How did my Eva re-activate…if it was so badly wounded?' Shinji had already thought about, and remembered, what had happened in his Eva before he passed out, but a new vision came to him.

__

'Mother?' Shinji whispered. "Mother?" He said out loud. All of a sudden, he was back in his Eva's cockpit, just before it came to life. He could hear Misato's voice, yelling commands at him. Shinji was beginning to lose all of his hope, when a strange blue light appeared. It was small, but it began to grow. It regenerated the Eva within seconds, and was gone as quickly as it came. Shinji was staring at the place where the light had been; hoping it would come back. He didn't get the chance to think of what it was, because a sea of rage flowed over him, and he brutally attacked the ANGEL with every bit of strength he had. 

Shinji blinked. He was back in his room. 

'What was that thing?' Shinji scratched his head. He closed his eyes and forced himself to go back to sleep. Shinji almost instantly was sleeping, but not soundly. He was beginning to have a dream, no, a flashback. Shinji was a little boy, maybe 4 or 5. He was wearing a yellow shirt and blue pants. 

He was with someone, he could feel it. Shinji looked up and smiled. Looking down at him, was a brown haired woman with soft brown eyes. She was giving him a warm smile as she took his hand. 

"Mother." Shinji said. That's when Shinji realized that he was just watching, he was not the little boy holding his mother's hand. Indeed, it was Shinji when he was little, and that was his mother, Yui Ikari, but the older Shinji, himself, was just watching. Shinji felt hot tears well up in his eyes, but he brushed them away. His mother and the little Shinji began to walk into a large building. 

"We're in Antarctica again…" Shinji's eyes widened in terror. 

"No! Mother! Don't go! Please!" Shinji ran up to his mother, trying to grab her, but his arms went through her, as if she wasn't even there. Shinji watched as Yui wrapped a scarf around her son's neck, then put on his coat for him. 

"Now, Shinji, it's going to be cold for awhile, but it will be warmer once we get to where I work!" Yui told her son. 

"Yes mommy! I can't wait ta see your workiding place!" Shinji cried. Yui smiled. 

"You'll learn how to speak correctly soon!" Yui took her son's hand and lead him into the building. 

Shinji followed, watching them. Soon, they were at the Evangelion Testing Area. Shinji looked at the face of his child self. It was full of amazement. 

"You builded these, mommy? Way cool!" Yui nodded. 

"I made these, but not alone. I needed lots of help, son." Yui turned to her child. "One of the main people that helped was Miss Akagi! I will introduce you to her later!" 

Yui took her child's hand and led his down to get a close up view of the robots. 

"Now, Shinji. These are called Evangelion." Little Shinji looked up. 

"Evangeee…Evgan…" He couldn't pronounce the words. Yui smiled and said, "Don't worry sweetie, you'll learn." Little Shinji nodded. Yui was about to tell her son something about the Evangelion, but an alarm sounded. Both Shinji's were so startled that they both jumped. Yui picked up her son and started running towards the area where they had entered. Once they got there, Yui put her child down. 

"Shinji, stay here. I'll be back soon!" Yui began to leave when Shinji grabbed her lab coat. 

"No mommy! Stay here!" Little Shinji was beginning to cry when Yui put her hand on his head. 

"I'll be back! I promise!" She kissed Shinji on the head, then quickly left. She had taken off her lab coat, leaving it on the floor. Little Shinji picked it up and began to cry into it. As he cried, he stood up and walked to the glass window to watch his mother. She was now in a strange, rubber looking suit. 

"A plug suit! And plugs!" Shinji whispered. Yui's plug suit was purple, with black on it. 

"Looks like Ayanami's…" Shinji whispered again, but then put his full attention back on his mother, and watched her get aboard the Evangelion. The Evangelion began to move. 

"They're going to fight…in there!" At that moment, a huge beast crashed through the wall behind his mother's Evangelion. 

"I'm piloting my mother's Evangelion…" Shinji said loudly. He watched his mother fight the ANGEL. "The first ANGEL…Adam." The ANGEL was a huge monstrosity. It tore at his mothers Evangelion. He looked at his child self, he was sobbing uncontrollably.

His mother and her Eva put up an excellent fight. The ANGEL tore into his mother, ripping off the armor and making it all the way to her core, where her cockpit was. The ANGEL gashed it wide open, and tons of LCL shot out. The ANGEL was about to get his mothers cockpit out of the core, when a beam shot out of no where, converting the first ANGEL into an embryo. The core of the Evangelion re-built itself, sealing his mother inside of the Evangelion. Shinji then cried out for his mother.

Shinji shot up from his bed, drenched with sweat. He looked at his clock. It read 6:45am. He just fell back on his bed and stared at the ceiling again. His pillow and sheets were wet from his sweat. Someone knocked on his door. 

"Shinji? Are you awake? Time to get up." It was Misato. 

Shinji didn't answer. He was breathing so hard, and sweating so much, he couldn't speak. Misato opened his door and walked in. 

"Shinji? Are you all right? You look terrible!" Misato was becoming worried. 

'I don't want anyone worrying about me…' Shinji thought. He put a smile on his face and turned to face her. 

"I-I'm fine, Ms. Misato." Shinji got up and began to make his bed.

"You sure? I mean, I don't blame you for having a nightmare or anything. Being an Eva Pilot must be hard…" Misato walked out and shut the door. 

Shinji sighed and sat down on the bed. 

"I guess I should go to school, I need to learn more." Shinji looked over at the uniform Ms. Misato had given him the night before. He got up and walked over to them. There was a cell phone next to it. Shinji cautiously looked at it as he pulled on his pants and the white shirt. Shinji picked up the phone as he left the room. 

Misato greeted him, then gave him an instant breakfast. Shinji looked over at what Misato was eating. 

'Does she only drink beer?' Shinji asked himself. He looked away and quickly ate the three rice balls he'd been given. After he'd finished, he looked at Misato again. Misato looked back. 

"Yes Shinji? What is it?" Shinji pulled out the cell phone from his pocket. 

"Um, here, Ms. Misato. You left this in my room." Shinji handed her the cell phone, but Misato rejected it. 

"No, Shinji. It's yours! You can call whomever you like with it!" Shinji looked at the phone for a moment, then placed it in his pocket.

"Yes ma'am, Miss Misato." Shinji quickly left for school. 

Misato stared after him, as Pen-Pen came flying out of his refrigerator. Misato picked up the ice cold little penguin, and held him tight. 

"Pen-Pen, I'm worried…" Pen-Pen just shivered, then cawed. Misato set him down. 

"Thanks a lot, Pen-Pen! Your great to talk to!" Misato said sarcastically. Pen-Pen ran out of Misato's way, as she went to go get dressed for work.

Shinji was slowly walking down the street to his new school. 

'I hope no one knows that I was the one piloting that, that huge monster!' Shinji thought. He turned his head to the right and looked at some of the wreckage of Tokyo-3. His pace quickened and he ran right into someone in front of him. 

"I-I'm sorry! Are you all right?! I'm really, really sorry!" Shinji cried. He finally looked at the person in front of him. She had short blue hair, and reddish-brown eyes. The girl had many injuries on her head and left arm. 

"Ayanami…" Shinji said quietly. 

'I saw here at the NERV base! And, I think on the street yesterday!' Shinji thought. 

"Ikari." Rei Ayanami bent down and grimaced a little with pain as she reached for her backpack. Shinji watched for a moment, then said, 

"Uh, let me help you! I-I'll carry your bags for you, if you want, that is." 

Coldly, Rei Ayanami shoved him off and continued walking in silence towards school. Shinji stared at her as she walked away. He finally realized that some of the students behind him and in front of him were watching. Shinji blushed the slightest bit, and continued walking, stiffly. He heard girls whispering, and boys snickering. Shinji ignored them the best he could until he entered his new school. 

Shinji hurried to his classroom, where many students were already filling in. The teacher was staring out the window, so Shinji just stood by the door, as if he were to enter, he would be hurt. A boy from behind Shinji shoved past him. He was holding up a camcorder and was filming a war airplane in front of him. The boy didn't even acknowledge Shinji. 

"Great…I haven't been here 5 seconds, and I'm already invisible!" Shinji mumbled. 

The boy sat down and finally put down his camera. He and Shinji exchanged quick glances, then turned away from eachother. Once everyone settled down, a girl with brown hair stood up and said, 

"Stand up, bow, sit down!" The girl glanced at him and waved. Shinji waved back shyly. Shinji scanned the class a bit. There were only 14 students, but they were loud enough for a class of 30. 

Shinji then noticed someone in the very back corner of the room. The sun was shining in brightly, so Shinji couldn't make out the face. His attention was brought back to the front of the class when the teacher grunted. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like you all to welcome Mr. Shinji Ikari!" The class said hello, then went back to their conversations. 

"If you will please take a seat Mr. Ikari." Shinji just nodded and found a seat that was secluded from everyone else. As Shinji sat down, he opened up the red laptop computer on his desk and typed in his name. 

Shinji removed his backpack as he typed. When it hit the ground, his NERV ID and cell phone fell out. They clattered against the floor, making the boy and girl he had glanced at earlier turn to him. The boy seemed to notice the ID and cell phone. Shinji watched as his eyes widened in surprise. Shinji hurriedly shoved the phone and ID back into his backpack, but his ID didn't make it. The brown haired girl had picked it up and was looking at it. 

"Wow! You're the pilot! Amazing!" The girl said quietly. One of her hands stoked her left pigtail as the other held Shinji's ID. 

Shinji reached for it and hissed, "Give it back, please!" The girl looked down at him and smiled. 

"Polite, aren't you?" She handed it back. "My names Hikari! Nice to meet you!" Shinji returned her smile. 

"Y-Yeah!" Hikari bent down and whispered to Shinji, "I won't tell anyone about you being a pilot, okay?" Shinji nodded gratefully. 

Hikari began to walk back to her seat at the front of the room when she turned and said, "Shinji Ikari, I'm the Class Representative of this room, so I'm in charge!" Hikari giggled as she sat down. Shinji blushed a bit, then turned to look at the person he'd seen at the window. 

"Ayanami!" He cried in surprise. Rei turned to him, then turned to look out the window again. 

"Now, we will begin our talk about the Second Impact. In the year 2000…" The teacher began. He continued, but Shinji didn't pay attention. He began to doodle on one of the programs on the computer. He didn't know what he was drawing until he looked up. He had drawn Ayanami Rei. Shinji was taken by total surprise. 

'Why would I draw her if I was thinking about my mother?' Shinji put his hands on his head. 'This is way to confusing…I can't handle this! I'm only 14!' 

Shinji sat and thought until the lunch bell rung. He got up from his seat and got his backpack. 

'Feels good to stand up…' He thought as he pulled out his instant lunch. 

"What? Can't afford real food, new kid?" Shinji whipped around and came face to face with the camera kid. 

"I-I…" Shinji turned away in embarrassment. "Kensuke Aida! Leave him alone!" Hikari pried Kensuke Aida away from Shinji and shoved him back to his seat. 

"Buzz off!" Aida replied. He walked back to his seat and ate lunch. Hikari turned to Shinji and said, "Don't mind him, he's just one of the stooges!" She smiled at Shinji, then walked away to go eat with her friends. Shinji slumped into his seat and unwrapped his food.

As he ate, Shinji became aware of the fact that he was being watched. He stopped eating and turned to Rei. Shinji and Rei stared at each other, then looked away. 

"D-don't you have any lunch, Ayanami?" Shinji asked. "I'll share, if you want!" Rei looked at Shinji's lunch then said, 

"I have my own food, Ikari." Rei pulled out a soda and some rice balls then began to eat. 

'She's so…cold. Does Ayanami have ANY feelings?' Shinji asked himself. Soon, they were back to class work, and Shinji began to feel more alone than ever.

H H H 

Two weeks had passed since his first day of school, and Shinji had under went more training in his Evangelion. Shinji was in bed, thinking about school and NERV. He turned his head and looked at the clock. 

'Still 3:00am…things are moving so slowly, lately.' He said silently. Shinji turned his head again to look at the ceiling. He finally began to fall asleep when Misato burst into his room, making a beam of light spread across Shinji's face. Shinji grimaced in shock of the bright light. 

"Wake up, Shinji! They've found an ANGEL preparing to attack! Come on!" 

Misato shook Shinji, then yanked him out of bed. 

"All right, I'm up!" Shinji cried. 

"Good! Get on your plug suit and plugs! Let's move!" Misato yelled as she ran out of the room. Shinji went to his closet and opened it. He pulled off his pajamas and pulled on his baggy plug suit. Shinji pressed a button on his left and right wrist, which made the plug suit tighten around his body.

Shinji came out of his room, ready to go. He saw that Misato had changed into her black dress and red jacket. She pulled Shinji down to her car and threw him in. 

'Oh crap! I hate Ms. Misato's driving!' Shinji screamed in his head. His eyes widened as Misato put the key in the ignition. Shinji gripped the back of his seat as she went screeching off onto the bare road. 

When they got to NERV, an Express Car Pull was awaiting them. Shinji let out a long sigh, then took a deep breath as the car was turned off. 

"I can breathe again!" Shinji covered his mouth and looked over at Misato. 

'I didn't just say that!' he thought. 'Too late!' Misato was glaring at him, then put her hand on Shinji's head, and shook him. 

"I can drive way better than you can, kid!" Misato cried as she shook Shinji. Pen-Pen popped up from behind them in the backseat. 

"YAAAAH!" cried Shinji. Misato was so surprised; she fell on the car horn, making it honk. Misato got off it, then whipped around and grabbed Pen-Pen by the foot. 

"Pen-Pen! I'm gonna…I'm gonna!" 

"Gonna do what?" Misato and Shinji both looked wide eyed at Pen-Pen. 

"P-Pen-Pen?" Misato and Shinji glanced at eachother. 

"Well, whatcha gonna do?" 

Misato finally said, "Um, Pen-Pen? Y-You can _talk_?!" Shinji was as mystified as Misato, until he looked forward. They had stopped. They were in the NERV base now. The voice came once again. 

"Your wasting my time, Misato Katsuragi!" Misato whipped around and came face to face with Ritsuko Akagi. Misato turned completely red and cried, 

"Oh, um hi, Ritsuko!" Shinji got out of the car while holding Pen-Pen. 

"Good morning, Shinji! Ready?" Ritsuko asked him. Shinji nodded, then followed Ritsuko as she lead Misato and him towards the Evangelion Confinement Area. 

'Why? Why am I doing this?' Shinji thought. 'I don't think I can handle another battle inside of that monster!' Pen-Pen stared up at him, with confused eyes. He squawked at Shinji, as if to ask, "Are you alright?" Shinji went into a deep thought, not even noticing that they were in the area. Ritsuko reached out and touched Shinji's shoulder. He flinched, then turned towards her. 

"I-I'm ready, Miss Ritsuko…"

"Good. Then lets get you into the entry plug!" Ritsuko hurried Shinji to the loading area. Misato followed. 

'Miss Misato usually talks more…' Shinji started to worry, then put his concentration back onto the ANGEL and his Eva. Almost ten minutes later, Shinji was in his cockpit, preparing for battle. Shinji sighed as a little screen to the left of him popped up. 

"Shinji, this ANGEL is not fully developed yet! This is our chance!" Misato cried. Shinji looked away. 

"Shinji, it's okay." Misato smiled warmly at him. Shinji smiled. 

'She's proud of me, I can't let her down!' He screamed in his head. 'I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away!' 

And with that, Misato Katsuragi yelled, "Eva Launch!" Shinji clutched his seat and shut his eyes. He could feel the Eva flying up to Tokyo-3. Shinji felt like his stomach was in his throat. Before he and his Evangelion made it to Tokyo-3, Shinji realized something. 

"The LCL! I-It didn't fill up!" Shinji began to sweat with fear. 

"Miss Misato! Help me!" The screen where Misato had been was now blank. Shinji could only hear his father's cruel laughter. Shinji began to violently shake. 

"Mother! Help me! Ritsuko, Maya, Hikari, Misato, Ayanami!" Shinji sobbed, screaming out for help. 

Shinji flew out of his bed, screaming in terror. Once again, his bed was soaked with sweat. He breathed hard, completely in shock. 

'Dear G-God…' Shinji brought his knees to his chest, then began to cry. He was terrified. It was at that moment that Misato came bursting into Shinji's room. 

"Shinji!" She looked at him, as he cried. "Shinji…" Misato walked towards him, and placed her hand on his back. "I-It's okay, Shinji. It's okay…" Shinji cried harder. Misato just watched him cry. 

'I-I don't know what to do! God, I can't do this!' 

Shinji had fallen asleep in Misato's lap, his tear-stained face still wet. Shinji finally opened his eyes, then looked over at his clock. 

'It's 6:00am. I guess I should get up.' He thought, drowsily. The events from his dream still played in his head, causing Shinji to be even more quiet than usual. He didn't bother to wake Misato, 'She's working the night shift tonight, so I should let her sleep.' 

Shinji took his clothes to the bathroom, and dressed there. He brushed his teeth and combed his hair quietly. Once he was done, he picked up his backpack and left without eating. Misato was leaning against Shinji's door. She had been watching him since he'd gotten up, except for when he was in the bathroom. 

"What's up with that kid?" Misato said, in confusion. "And what happened to him last night?" She shook her head, then walked to her room to sleep more.

Shinji walked to school again, as he had done for the past two weeks. He hadn't seen Rei Ayanami on the way to school, but she was always in class. As Shinji entered his classroom, he glanced over at Kensuke Aida. Usually, he was alone with his camera, but now, a boy with dark brown hair was sitting there. The two watched Shinji has he took his seat. The two began whispering, but Shinji already knew what they were talking about. 

'It's about me…No surprise there.' Shinji pulled out his tape player, and began to listen. He didn't open his laptop, even though everyone else had. 'I have to wait until I'm told to. I don't want any trouble.' Shinji leaned onto his desk and listened to the music. Visions of his dreams flashed in his head, making Shinji feel uncomfortable. Soon, the teacher called order to the class, and he finally opened his laptop. 

H H H 

"I didn't want to! They _made_ me pilot the stupid thing!" Shinji cried, as Touji Suzuhara pushed him to the ground. The sting from the punch he had received throbbed with pain. Shinji wiped away the trickle of blood that had begun to cover his face. 

Shinji heard Kensuke say, "Uh-oh" As Touji came back at Shinji in a huge amount of rage. 

"What'd you say?" He cried as he pulled Shinji back up by the collar of his shirt. Touji didn't wait for an answer. Shinji was once again hit, this time on his cheek. He flew to the ground, but only whimpered a small amount. 

Touji and Kensuke finally left, leaving Shinji on the ground, in total pain. He lay there for quite awhile, letting the wind rustle his hair and clothes. 

'I deserved that…I could have killed his sister…' Guilt began to flow through Shinji, overwhelming the boy. His thoughts were disrupted when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rei Ayanami.

"There's an emergency, I will report first." Rei Stated as she began to run away. Shinji pulled himself up as the emergency alert system sounded. He ran towards NERV with every bit of speed he contained. 

When he arrived, he wasn't even told to put on his plug suit. Ritsuko and the other techies just shoved him into the entry plug. Shinji took a deep breath of relief as his cockpit began to fill with LCL. 

'Good…the dream isn't coming true…' Shinji thought. He could hear Misato's voice, shouting commands at the techies. The last thing he heard before he was sent to fight, was Misato, crying out, 

"Eva Launch!" 

As Shinji was sent into battle, his Synch Ratios began to drop. 

"This is abnormal for Shinji! Usually they're incredibly high!" Ritsuko looked at Misato. "Do _you _know the reason, Major Katsuragi?" 

Misato looked away from her friend. "Shinji had a nightmare, that's all." Ritsuko shook her head. "Normal nightmares don't cause this much difference." 

Shinji and his Eva finally reached Tokyo-3. A gun holder was opened, and Shinji grabbed the gun. 

"I see the ANGEL!" He yelled. It was a huge one. It's shining purple tentacles whipped around its massive, flat worm shaped body. Shinji looked for its core, then spotted it. 

'It's right in its chest. I should be able to shoot it from here…' Shinji then commanded his Eva to clutch the gigantic weapon, and put its finger on the trigger. Shinji aimed ate the core, and fired. 

"No! That idiot!" Ritsuko cried. Misato whipped around at her. 

"What do you mean? It's a clean hit! He's excellent!" She argued. 

"No! He's forgotten about the ANGELS AT field!" Misato's eyes widened. 

"Shinji!" Misato commanded. "The AT field!" 

Shinji made the Eva keep firing. 'I can break the AT field! I can do it!' He kept the weapon firing, letting the fireballs fly out from it, onto the ANGEL. 

"Break, damn you!" Shinji cried, a sea of rage starting to come over him. Shinji's Synch Ratios had spiked to above his normal.

"No! Shinji! Listen!" Misato yelled, in anger. 'Why won't this kid listen to me?' Then, she became worried. 'What if Gendo Ikari decides to…' Misato turned towards Maya, one of the techies. 

"Maya! Send Shinji another gun!" Maya nodded, then sent one up. 

"He's only wasting power! Why aren't you shutting down his Evangelion?" Ritsuko asked. "

Shinji won't stop! I can't let him die out there!" Misato yelled. 

Shinji's gun soon ran out of ammunition. He threw the weapon aside, then reached for the other gun Misato had sent up. He didn't have any time. The ANGEL came charging at Eva Unit 01 and it's pilot. It stretched out its long tentacles and tossed Shinji into the air then smacked him into a hill. When he came to rest, Shinji had gotten the wind knocked out of him. He took a few deep breaths before preparing to attack.

Misato was just watching, not giving orders. Everyone's eyes were on the screen, watching Shinji. A loud sound came blaring out of the computers. Alert signs popped up all over the screen. "What's wrong?" Misato cried. Ritsuko went and looked over Maya's shoulder. She typed in a few things, and then two tiny screens popped up in front of Misato. 

"Two unknown boys have appeared near Shinji! If Shinji makes the Eva move, those two will be killed!" Ritsuko yelled in reply. Misato gasped in surprise. 

"Those are two of Shinji's classmates!" Ritsuko ran over. 

"How can you tell?" Misato pointed to the place where it said, 'School'. "We'll have to let them into the Evangelion." 

Shinji had been staring to his left for quite awhile now. He'd been watching Touji and Kensuke. They were between two of the Evangelion's fingers, and they looked like they were crying. Shinji's attention was brought back to the ANGEL. Even though it had tossed Shinji with great power, the ANGEL was not to fast. 

'What should I do? I can't move…they'll get hurt…' A tiny screen popped up, with Misato's face in it. 

"Shinji! Release your entry plug and let those two in!" Shinji nodded and did so. The two got in, and Shinji heard one say, 

"Hey! There's water in here!" and the other said, "My camera!" 

Shinji didn't wait for them to get situated. He threw up his Eva's arm and held one of the two tentacles. It burned off the Evangelion's hand armor, causing Shinji great amounts of pain. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he ignored them. Shinji threw the ANGEL forward, and leaped into the air. 

"Shinji! Abort mission! Come back to base! Shinji!" Misato cried. Ritsuko was beginning to turn red with anger. "Idiot! Shinji! Come back, NOW!"

"I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away…" Shinji focused his eyes on the ANGELs core. "I MUSTN'T RUN AWAY!" Shinji flew towards the ANGELs core. He pulled out his Prosthetic Knife and began to pulverize the ANGEL and its core. 

"Eva Pilot 01 has pulled out his Prosthetic Knife!" One of the techies beside Maya yelled. 

"I told you to come back, Shinji! So come back RIGHT NOW!" Misato screamed at Shinji.

"H-Hey! Didn't you hear her? She said to stop!" One of the boys was leaning over Shinji's shoulder; it was obviously Touji Suzahara. Shinji ignored him; his mind was off in another world, a world soon to be filled with rage. As Shinji focused on the ANGEL, he began to only see red. He clutched his controls and waited.

Misato, Ritsuko, Maya, and everyone else inside of the NERV HQ were all tense, fearful of what was to happen to their new pilot. No one noticed that in the shadows, Rei Ayanami hid, watching Shinji, and awaiting her turn to battle. 

Finally, the ANGEL moved. It slung out its tentacles at the Evangelion's chest. Shinji threw up his hand to block it, but was not fast enough. The ANGEL impaled him with the glowing purple tentacles. Hot tears welled up in Shinji's eyes. Kensuke and Touji watched, not knowing what to say. Shinji shut his eyes tight and cringed. Soon, Shinji shot back up, making his EVA fly into the air, almost cat-like. Rage overwhelmed Shinji, making him virtually uncontrollable. Touji and Kensuke watched in surprise. 

'I punched him, and he stayed down…but when he got impaled by that…monster! He got right back up!' Touji thought, completely confused. 

Shinji kept focusing on the ANGEL. He pulled out his weapon of choice, the Prosthetic Knife. He shoved the monster and sent it flying across town. Shinji charged at it, his knife blazing with power and pain. Shinji ignored the sharp blasts of pain, blazing throughout his body as he ran. 

Misato finally muttered a few words. "Shinji…Stop…I order you to…" She raised her voice to an angry yell. "I order you to STOP!" 

Shinji ignored Misato too. All he could think of was 'Kill it! Kill it!' He finally reached the ANGEL. It was beginning to get up. 

'I won't give it that chance!' Shinji screamed in his head. He leaped into the air and landed on the ANGEL. He pinned it down and began to chop up its core with his knife. It's AT field had disappeared, but soon came back, tossing Shinji back. Shinji stumbled, but did not fall. He lunged back towards the ANGEL, yelling a battle cry. He once again began to chop at the core, but this time, the ANGEL was able to fight back. It sent out its tentacles once again, and impaled Shinji in the abdomen and the chest. Shinji screamed in rage and pain, tears came rolling out of his eyes, but he continued to shove the knife into the ANGEL. The AT field broke under all the pressure, leaving the ANGEL more vulnerable. Shinji struggled to bring the knife up again, and brought it back down, puncturing the core. 

Misato was still screaming at Shinji to stop and report back to base when alert signs popped up all over the screen. 

"Ritsuko! What's wrong! What's happening?" Misato asked worriedly. Ritsuko turned to Maya. 

"Status of Evangelion Unit 01!" Maya typed for less than a second then turned around and cried. "Umbilical Cable has been cut off! Thirty seconds of power left!" 

Misato stared at Maya, hoping that wasn't true. Then she turned back to the screen and cried, "Shinji!"

Shinji knew that he had limited time, his screen flashed red and made horrible beeping noises. Touji and Kensuke covered their ears, but Shinji did not. He continued to fight. Shinji let out another battle cry, and raged on. 

"Fifteen seconds left! Evangelion Unit 01 starting to shut down! We're losing power!" Maya cried. Misato and Ritsuko stared at the screen, then began shouting orders at all the Techies. Ritsuko told the Techies to prepare Unit 00, but Misato told them to prepare to give extra power to Shinji's Eva. Words of hope were issued from Misato, but words of failure from Ritsuko. Both were talking about Shinji.

Shinji Eva began to count down the seconds before the power shut off. Shinji continued to force the knife into the ANGEL. Hot sparks began to fly from the core as it was destroyed. Touji and Kensuke began to count down also. 

"Five!" Shinji shoved the knife in farther and harder than before. 

"Four!" He cried out as the pain began to overcome him, but kept fighting. 

"Three! Two!" Shinji shoved it in as far as it would go. 

"ONE!" The ANGEL blew up, as the Evangelion shut down. Shinji slowly bent over as the cockpit darkened, and began to cry. Touji and Kensuke once again had no words of sympathy for Shinji Ikari.

H H H 

Misato sat in her a chair while drinking a can of beer. She sighed and looked down the hall at Shinji's door. 

"He hasn't come out since we got home, and that was over 24 hours ago…" Misato rolled her eyes and walked to the kitchen table. She plopped down and leaned over the table. 

"The kid needs to eat…" Pen-Pen popped out of his fridge and came waddling over to Misato's side. He looked up at her. Misato avoided his gaze, but soon looked down at him. She picked him up and held him in her lap. Misato scratched Pen-Pen's head and sighed once again.

Shinji lay in his bed once again, thinking about the past events. He was still in his plug suit and plugs; he hadn't even bothered to take them off. He sighed, thinking of why he was doing this. 

'When I fight, they're proud; When I don't fight…' Sadness filled his heart. 'They don't care…' Shinji shook his head. He got up from his bed and stood there for a moment. 

'They've got Rei. She is the one that wants to battle, not me. I'm not needed…I won't be missed.' Shinji waited there until Misato went to bed. He took off his plug suit and plugs and hung them up in his closet. He then pulled on his pants and shirt. Shinji grabbed his bag and tape player then left. 

Shinji started making his way into down town Tokyo. He looked at all the lights, all the people; 

'There's more people here than I have ever seen in one place!' Shinji continued to walk, but kept on looking around. 

He slammed into the shoulder of someone, stunning him. "I-I'm sorry!" He stuttered. Shinji looked into the eyes of the man. He just glared at Shinji, then stalked away. 

'He reminds me of my father…' Shinji thought. He shook his head and continued. 

Misato was now in bed. She was oblivious to the fact that Shinji was gone. Misato lay in bed and looked at the ceiling. After awhile, she looked at her bedside clock. It read 11:30pm, December 12. 

"It'll be Christmas soon…The new Evangelion Pilot will coming soon too…" Misato sighed and fell asleep. 

Shinji was now on a bus that would take him to a train station. He leaned back against the cold, leathery seats. Shinji pulled out his tape player and listened to the songs. He took deep breaths and relaxed himself. Shinji looked up at the ceiling of the bus. He began to drift off to sleep, then stopped himself. He shook his head and groaned. 

"If I fall asleep…I'll have another nightmare…" His eyes began to fill with hot tears, but Shinji brushed them away. He leaned over and rested his elbows on his legs. He stayed in this position for three long hours. The bus stopped at the station and Shinji got off. He then boarded the train, which would take him out of Tokyo-3.


End file.
